U.S. Air Force photo by Kemberly Groue/Released

Teens may be anxious, proud, sad or even confused about their parent’s upcoming deployment. Since your teen is already undergoing so many physical, emotional and social changes, taking steps to prepare him or her before you leave can be a helpful way to maintain stability in your family. Take some proactive steps to prepare your teen for your departure by trying to understand his or her reactions, offering your support and helping to establish healthy coping skills and behaviors. These steps can better equip your family to handle your extended absence and help things run more smoothly while you’re gone.

What You Can Do Before Deployment

Include your teen in family pre-deployment conversations. Not only will this help prepare teenagers for your departure, but it will also give them a sense of participation in family decisions. Here are some helpful pre-deployment tips to follow:

• Discuss where you will be sent and share the positive attributes of the work you will be doing (e.g., helping children, fighting for the freedom of others, etc.).
  • Why: Sharing this kind of information with your teen can create positive associations with your work and help him or her understand your deployment better.
• Discuss new roles and responsibilities your teen can expect to assume.
  • Why: Preparing your teen to assume new roles can be an effective way to channel anxieties into helpful behavior, and encourage him or her to support the family while you’re away. But keep in mind how much your teen has on his or her plate (e.g., homework, chores, etc.) and try not to increase the workload too much, allowing time for rest and relaxation as well.
• Talk with your teen about other family members (e.g., aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) who will take on new roles while you are away.
  • Why: Managing your teen’s expectations about who will call the shots while you’re gone can make the transition smoother for your spouse, and encourage your teen to listen to others in authority during your absence.
• Spend quality time together.
  • Why: Spending quality time as a family before your deployment will leave your teen with some recent positive experiences to reflect on while you are gone.
• Establish open lines of communication and invite your teen to share his or her feelings.
  • Why: Letting your teen talk about his or her reactions to your deployment will put you in a better position to comfort him or her. Your teen may not be able to make sense of his or her feelings, but by establishing a safe and open environment you can talk through these issues while be supportive and encouraging.

What Your Family Can Do During Deployment

Your teen may go through some emotional and behavioral changes after you deploy. Although some of the following behaviors may be perfectly normal for teenagers, non-deployed parents should pay attention to these signs to determine if their teen is responding to deployment in an unhealthy way:

• Rapidly changing emotions
• Acting overly strong, mature or disinterested
• Increased discipline problems both at home and at school
• Changes in weight
• Isolation or signs of depression

The best thing non-deployed spouses can do for teens is to get to know how they are dealing with deployment and be there for them when they need someone to talk to. Read the National Military Family Association’s “10 Things Military Teens Want You To Know” [PDF 900KB] to gain insight into some common ways teens can cope, and how friends, family and their school can help.

In addition, your non-deployed spouse and family members back home should consider using some helpful tactics to encourage your teen to adopt healthy behaviors while you are deployed. For example, your spouse and family members can:

• Maintain routines to keep a sense of stability at home, especially in the first few months after deployment begins.
• Encourage your teen to write letters, send cards and make phone calls to you while you are deployed.
• Create a scrapbook, photo album (e.g., online or hard-copy) or journal of missed events with your teen to present to you when you return home.
• Coordinate a “home video” to be sent back to your teen that shows what deployment is like (e.g., where you live, what you do) so he or she can feel closer to you while you’re gone.
• Open the lines of communication to make sure that your teen has the opportunity to express his or her feelings about your deployment.
• Carve out one-on-one time without pressuring your teen to talk about the deployment.
• Encourage your teen to maintain a healthy balance between time at home and time with friends, while also providing an appropriate level of space and privacy.
• Ensure your teen eats well and gets adequate rest; exercise can act as a great stress management tool and cause the body to release endorphins, which makes people feel better. 

What You Can Do After Deployment

After you return from deployment, take some proactive steps to reconnect with your teenager. Read the Real Warriors article “How to Reconnect with Your Teen After a Deployment” for some helpful guidance on bonding with your teen after a long time away from home.

Additional Resources

• SAFE: Soldiers and Families Embraced
• Deployment Readiness Overview
• AUSA Family Programs
• Operation Purple Program